Home Wednesday, Jul 8 2009

It’s been ages since I’ve updated this blog, mostly from laziness, but also because I’m not sure how much I want to put out there for others to read. I’ve always used writing as a form of catharsis – to get out the thoughts and stresses that bog down my mind. I have had a hard time coming to terms with the idea of letting others read those things. Hopefully I can find some sort of middle ground on which to stand where I can release the tension but maintain the peace. 

As of right now, I am way south of the border in Brazil visiting family, but I am so ready to be home. While spending time with my parents has been incredibly fun, I miss my schedule, my friends, and my bed. I know that once I get back to town it’ll be mostly getting ready for law school to start and getting things put back in order from being gone, but I’m ready to be back in a routine. Even if it does mean selling my soul for another three years. 

The best part about this vacation has been the down time. While it has had its boring moments, it’s been nice to read (and read. and read.) and lay around absorbing awful TV. (The TV here is truly awful, by the way.)

Plus, C has moved into his house, and I can’t wait to get home and see it. I’ve promised him I won’t come in and move things – after all it is his and P’s space – but I just want to see it. His first home. 

Seeing my puppy would be really nice, too.

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Amazing grace Sunday, Apr 26 2009

There is a song out by Mat Kearney right now that says, “I guess we’re all just a phone call from our knees.” I’ve heard that song multiple times in the past few weeks, but it didn’t mean a thing to me until Friday.

As I write this, my grandfather is laying in a hospital bed a few miles away. He was admitted with breathing problems, and after a few tests, he was found to have a mass the size of a fist in his right lung. A biopsy will confirm our worst fears tomorrow — late-stage lung cancer. Aggressive. Terminal. 

I’ve been trying not to think about it. I’ve been trying to keep a smiling, strong face on for my grandmother, for Paw Paw, for my family. I picked Mama up at the airport this morning, as our spread-out family arrives from all over the globe. No one wants to acknowledge that this could be it. But we’re all here.

I’ve only let myself cry twice. Once in the shower where the tears mixed with the streaming water. That one doesn’t really count. The second was when I finally had a moment away from family, with C. He let me cry – big, ugly tears that stained my face with mascara and despair. 

This shouldn’t be happening. Not to him. 

I held Paw’s hand two years ago as he heard the news that his brother had finally succumbed to lung cancer. Now the same disease is taking him from us. 

I know we are never promised “fairness” in this life, but this really sucks.

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I’m back (plus survey!) Monday, Mar 30 2009

Okay, so I know everyone is dying to hear about France, but I’m much too tired to tell about it now. Instead, I’m going to do the “firsts” survey I was tagged in by Leah!

FIRSTS

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? Stephen Breland, freshman year

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Nope

3. NUMBER 3 WAS MISSING FOR SOME REASON…HAHA.

4. What was your FIRST job? Veterinarian’s assistant

5. What was your FIRST car? Silver 2002 Chevy Malibu

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? Danielle

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Christopher

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? No idea

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Birmingham, AL

10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk? Paige P. We’re still great friends today.

11. Where was your FIRST sleep over? Whitney B

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Mama, on the phone

13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? My Aunt Patti

14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Pressed snooze just because I could

15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Three Doors Down, Shinedown and Seether

16. FIRST tattoo? Don’t have one.

17. First piercing? Ears, when I was 14. (I’m a baby when it comes to needles.)

18. First foreign country you’ve been to? Mexico

19. FIRST movie you remember seeing? Free Willy

20. When was your FIRST detention? I never got detention

21. What was the first state you lived in? Louisiana

22. Who was your FIRST roommate? Meghann, Joy, and Elissa. I had three.

23. If you had one wish? I’ll steal Leah’s….to live happily ever after 

24. What is something you would learn if you had the chance? Ballet

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Why I’m crazy #251 Tuesday, Mar 10 2009

I can’t decide if it’s crazy or just plain weird that I color-code the events in my planner.

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Counting down Monday, Mar 9 2009

I leave for France with Duckie and Sassy on Friday. I can’t believe after nine years of waiting the trip is five days away. I’ve been more than a little stressed out in trying to finish everything before I go. One of my features is due tonight or tomorrow, my law school scholarship stuff needs to be turned in this week, on top of the normal school work, workshop planning and teaching. Bah. 

The good news is that I have fabulous friends and a wonderful boyfriend who help me out and keep me sane. Last night was Jules’s husband’s birthday cookout at which C and I stayed WAY too late. It was nice to socialize with people we normally don’t see though.

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Oh well Saturday, Feb 28 2009

So, I got my LSAT score last night right as the Pink Meet was starting. I didn’t do as well as I had hoped. It really wasn’t a great way to start the night, and I spent most of the meet depressed. The girls did wonderful though, scoring a season high and winning against Cow Town for the 97th time in a row. 

After the meet, Kate and I went to Tay’s where I had my first ever Jello shot (times 3). We ended up at Innis, where C introduced me to his NFL lineman friend, who bought us a round of Irish Car Bombs. So, it was me, a Sports Information Director, an NFL player and C drinking the most dangerous concoction ever. (An Irish Car Bomb is a glass of Guiness in which you drop a shot of Jameson topped with Baileys. You have to chug it before the Bailey’s curdles in the beer.) I survived, and actually never got drunk. Hmmm, go figure. 

Today I’m being as lazy as possible while preparing for the France trip. Two weeks!

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Set on loop Tuesday, Feb 24 2009

If you’ve ever had a concussion, then you sort of know what it feels like to have a migraine. A concussion, at least in my experience, is a sudden pain followed by a dull, throbbing pain. Migraines, however, are like being stabbed in the head. At least they are for me. I woke up this morning with such a migraine, and am now so far behind on work for the day, I don’t know where to start.

This is my week of hell – one that every student seems to have at least once a semester. It’s the week when everything is due at the same time, and there is no way to prepare or postpone any of it. I have no idea how or if I’ll get everything done, but I am determined to try. 

A few good things have already happened this week though. P has a new niece as of this morning, and Kate is completely free from her knee brace. Hopefully it’s a sign of better things to come this week.

 

 

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Eek Tuesday, Feb 17 2009

The day you begin using under-eye cream is a day you mourn. Where did those bags come from?!

Nevertheless, a hot bath with candles and some Sinatra makes everything better.

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Freedom (well, sort of) Tuesday, Feb 10 2009

The LSAT is over, thank God. I woke up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to prepare for the test, and ended up only forgetting my watch. Turns out I didn’t need it, though, so all was well. The whole process of checking in was a bit convoluted — signing documents, proving you didn’t have restricted items, thumbprinting and assigned seats. I got to sit in the back row, which I was extremely thankful for. I don’t like having people behind me in tests as it distracts me. 

The test itself wasn’t terrible — just long. The worst section, Logic Games, was first, so after that catastrophe, I only had four more sections to go. The LSAT is largely an endurance test, and it definitely took a LOT of focus. I was happy that I finished every section and only had to guess on a couple. 

The best part about the test was watching the other people in the room freak out. This one poor guy a few rows in front of me kept grabbing his hair and rocking back in forth in his chair. I felt really bad for him.

I left the test kind of punch-drunk and went to La Fiesta Brava to celebrate with the crew. After fajitas and a margarita (yes, at 1 in the afternoon), I slept for three hours. I was a bit less brain dead at dinner, but only survived through one martini before I went to bed at 11:30. I am a party animal. 

I think the past few weeks of constant “go, go, go” has left me out of sorts. I still have plenty going on, but I haven’t felt too great the past few days. C is sick too, and Sassy seems to be coming down with something also. If anyone in the group gets sick, we all get it. This time it looks like it’s Jules’s fault. 

In other news, I got offered a job yesterday that I am turning down. It was a reporting position at a weekly newspaper in North Alabama, but I told him I had decided on law school. After a cost-benefits analysis and a pro-cons list (yes, I am a nerd), law school was an easy choice. As my father so correctly pointed out, it’s not what I’ll be making now that matters. It’s what I’ll be making in 10, 15, 25 years to put toward retirement that’ll matter. And Law is much more lucrative than small-time reporting. 

After all, I need to fund the start-up for my used bookstore somehow.

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I want to get away. I want to fly away. Wednesday, Feb 4 2009

I feel so restless lately. So unproductive. I really can’t find the initiative to do anything. I’ve been getting all my work done on time, but I wait until the last minute to do it. Next year, I won’t have that option. I’ll have to stay ahead or fail.

Mom wrote me a long letter today reminding me that she and Dad will support me regardless if I get the full-ride or not. Honestly, I’m just ready for this damn test to be over. I’m so tired of studying logic games and analytical reasoning. Bah.

I went to abs class with Leah last night. It’s my third time going now, and I love it. There isn’t another feeling quite like the feeling of sore abs and accomplishment. I don’t curse the instructor under my breath as much as I used to, and I’m thinking about joining Leah and Ian’s gym. P goes there too, and it’d be nice to have some people to push me into going. I’m a big fan of peer-pressure when it comes to working out.

In other news, today is National Signing Day, also known as The Day C Goes Crazy. He has to cover all this fan-obsessed mess, and plus his book deadline is today. Poor guy. I think we’ll all be glad when this week is over.

I also hired a maid service today (God, I hate how pretentious that sounds). I didn’t want to in the least, but I need some help keeping this house in order. They’re only coming once a month, but it doesn’t make me feel any less worthless that I can’t keep up with it on my own.

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